Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 21:47:25 +0000 From: Joel Rowbottom Subject: [IJtalk] Projectile Shitting This is Ellinor's new trick: Every few days, we give her a bath; this involves military-precision tactics, maneuvering, and is most definitely a two-person job. However, she gave us a new surprise today: she discovered biological warfare. We thought she was being a bit quiet, she's normally just one big screaming mouth at bathtime, but I picked her up, washed her face, washed her hair, then got ready to take the nappy off so I could dunk her. Nappy comes off, it's dirty, no probs - we get her on the changing mat and clean her up. Just pick her up, I hear "squit". Ellie looks at me cutely. She's just dropped load on the changing mat as I picked her up. "No problem," thinks I. "I shall simply clean her up, wipe the mat, then dunk her in the bath." I proceed to clean her up. Almost ready to pick her up and... ...squit. My jumper has a nice yellow flecked design all of a sudden: a major ballistic feat considering I was 3 feet away. "Oh dear," I say to Nicky. "I shall clean her up again." Actually, it was probably stronger language than this. I clean her up, no problems, and dunk her in the bath. Take her out, and... ...squit. She's just projectile-shitted onto my jeans, and the towel. Thing is, she doesn't stop there, proceeding to throw a major toxic disaster over the towel and all over Daddy. "Oh dear." I say once more to Nicky, who by now is in paroxysms. "How cataclysmic. Better get another towel." As it was, Nicky folded over the shitty bit, and proceeds to dry her with the clean bit. Upon which, Ellie then decides now would be a good time to wee, and soaks the towel. Final score: 1 towel, 1 changing mat, 1 father (with sweater and jeans now in wash), 1 babygro, 1 body suit, 2 nappies. Advantage: Ellie. Confucious say, man with shitty baby get floaters in bath. -- Joel Rowbottom BSc.(Hons) - vaguely human and mostly harmless Self-confessed was-kid, Unix geek & Net addict since 1991 Work: www.jml.net | Personal: www.joel.co.uk | Pics: www.fotopic.net